Saturday, September 26, 2009

Two new and horrid Korean 'Idol' groups..

Now's the time for me to introduce you guys to the HORRID and SCARILY CRAPPY side of K-pop, in my humble opinion. Please be advised that you are about to hear two singles that are this close to being as bad as the Eoghan Quigg album - don't say I didn't warn you.

Idol groups in Korea are what we call vocal groups in the West - same thing. I'm not being hard on these bands just because they aren't from the 'Holy Trinity' of talent companies (SM - DBSK/Super Junior/SNSD/SHINee/f(x)/BoA, YG - Big Bang/Se7en/2NE1 and JYP - Wonder Girls/2PM/2AM/Previously Rain) but because they really suck. Heck, if SM released something like this I'd explode like how I am right now.
I've known about SHU-I for a while now and I believe they're under DSP Entertainment (I forgot where I saw it and I haven't seen any more info on them so correct me if I'm wrong.) - the makers of SS501, Kara and the crappy A'ST1 who came and disappeared.

Let's talk about the name first. SHU-I apparently stands for 'So Hot Union of Idols'. Now I understand that they're trying to be cool so they wanna be 'hot' but really guys, SHU-I is not a good name and it will never be. Big Bang, 2PM, Dong Bang Shin Ki and Super Junior are good names but SHU-I?!?! Do they sell shoes on the side or what?

The song isn't any better. They're trying way too hard to be G-Dragon solo + Big Bang but end up sounding like SS501 and Super Junior's bad points put together. And the vocals. I know they'll never be in the league of gorgeous voices like Jaejoong DBSK, Daesung Big Bang, Donghae Super Junior, Key SHINee or Wooyoung 2PM but they could at least try to sound like Yunho DBSK or the rest of Big Bang who have respectable voices!

The treatment of the vocals doesn't do them any favors either. You don't know if the auto tune during the verses was supposed to be 'not auto tuned but autotuned' or 'AUTO TUNED' because it's not obvious enough to be AUTOTUNED but it's not well done enough to not be called 'on purpose'. That is what I call bad production. Their talent company must be poor or they must not think they're any good - which they aren't. Obviously.
1/5

Now onto the laughing stock of me and my friends - HAM. There are way too many things wrong with this band - let's go over them one by one.
Before anyone knew what kind of music they were gonna give us, the first thing we heard was their name. And once again, names make a big impression - HAM is probably a gabillion (gazillion + billion? hahah.) times worse than SHU-I albeit easier to pronounce and type. Seriously, WHO'D NAME A GIRLGROUP AFTER FOOD? That's a crime to society.

Now the first time I watched their performance was very traumatic. Hahah. Hearing the first verse I was like "OK, these girls are rock, eh?" but then out of nowhere this SNSD-ish chorus pops out and a little while later their choreography is similar to the Brown Eyed Girls' Abracadabra. What the crap? The individual elements of this song are already crappy as it is but really, whoever composed this song shout be shot. It's confused, crappy and either these girls really can't sing or the song doesn't match their voices. It's a debut single - it's supposed to show us that these girls have talent and/or potential. You give them a song with absolutely no thought process and they're ruined. Listeners aren't as stupid as these stupid talent companies think we are.

The vocals. Oh dear. These girls CANNOT sing together live - they just can't. Everything's a disaster and their voices sound so resonant my ear drums are begging me to put on some CSJH to diffuse all this crappy-ness. Once these girls stop screaming and get some more badly needed professional lessons (they trained, right? or is their talent company too poor to pay for vocal lessons?) they should really start working on singing together. No really, what kind of girl group can't sing together?
0.8/5

Well there you have it. I hope your ears are still alive because mine are on the verge of giving up - gotta go listen to some DBSK now to ease the pain.

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